Aha!

 July 6, 2013 It's not about the levels.

Parelli Principle #5, "An attitude of justice is effective."

I had taken this to mean, 1) don't be mean; 2) don't be impatient. Of course it does, but now I understand it to mean much more. "Consequences" in parelliville is not in reference to punishment, but to what happens after what happens happens. It is another way of thinking about phases. Start with phase 1, the gentlest means to convey your meaning, but progress to the next phases to be effective. "An attitude of justice is effective".

I have not been very effective, lately. Not a moral failing, just a misunderstanding of how a horse asks a question. Or, how Zaina asks questions. Mmmm, Horses teach humans.



Expect a lot, Accept a little, Reward often

In other words, behavioural shaping!!!! By George, I think I've got it!


On the 8 Principles of Horse*Man*Ship

Ohhhh, I get it. The principles are for guiding action, not just for memorizing.


On Confidence

Throw your heart over the jump/pole. It really does work, for the rider and thus the horse. Who'd a thought? Mr. Parelli. 

On Leadership: I think I've "got" it - being a leader for horses means leading like their mom did, as in "I'm going this way, come on, you can do it to"; rather than being a pusher, as in "do this, do that, cause I told you too."  So, leading doesn't mean being bossy, it just means being the boss; it doesn't mean taking away my horse's autonomy or right to a "self", it means giving her the direction and confidence to be the best she can be. By gosh, I think I've got it!

On Carrot Stick Thinking: Thanks to Zaina's fan, Shelley, I'm channeling carrot stick thinking to my relationships with problematic people; or maybe it's my problematic relationships with some people! Here are  examples - the list will get longer as I learn to play with the stick more confidently.


1) When pps (problematic people, not parelli professionals) start getting under my skin I imagine waving the carrot stick in front of me to keep them away. This makes me push out my chest, and keep my chin up. Doing something positive stops me from concentrating on the negative, and I can come up with ways to maintain a positive attitude and communications.

2) When someone is trying to manipulate me, or take advantage of me by overriding my confidence and will not take "no" or "back off" for an answer, I imagine smacking the stick down in their personal space to get them to move away from me.  This gives me the confidence to bring up my vocal and bodily energy to make MY point clearer, even if it involves being harsh (I'm such a wimp at saying, "no" and boy can some people  figure that out quickly.

3) When I'm worried about having to keep everyone happy, I imagine leaning on my carrot stick and not micro-managing the situation. Low and behold, everything seems to manage itself! What a relief (probably for other folks as well as me!).